Is The Tennessean a Threat to Journalism?

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The headline "Is Islam a threat to America?" jumps off the pages of The Tennessean's Sunday edition.

In the words of president's supposed least favorite Christmas show star Charlie Brown: Good grief!

First: The famous question headline bothers me to no end, specifically when you're reporting on highly flammable subject matter.

Second: The subhead has an opportunity for some semblance of balance, but instead opts for the here's an opinion; here's the denial format. Seen here:

Nashville activists warn churchgoers of violent threats to America; Muslims call campaign unfair

Reading four or five graphs into the story, one can find a decent rebuttal that digs deeper than "no we're not."

Lazy. Lazy. Lazy.

The rest of the story goes on to offer some incredibly interesting -- sometimes shocking (local) -- points of view, but I dare say that many people won't keep reading. They'll be happy with the negative opinion they formed from just the headline.

Are Coal-Fueled Power Plants Bad For Our Lungs?

Is The Tennessean a Threat to Journalism?

Is Tiger Woods a Danger to His Children?

Can Sponge Bob Squarepants be Trusted?

All of these headlines plant an opinion in the reader's mind. Rather than opening a reader's mind to various viewpoints, these types of headlines subconsciously, sometimes consciously, force a reader to pick a side immediately by answering "yes" or "no."

Once a reader has an opinion formed, is it necessary to keep reading? Probably not.

The Nondescript Apology by Tiger Woods

[caption id="attachment_121" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Tiger preparing to put his balls somewhere."][/caption]

"Personal sins should not require press releases and problems within a family shouldn't have to mean public confessions," Tiger Woods says in a press release posted at his personal Web site.

Oh, Tiger. You just don't get it.

He may have mastered the art of reading a 60-foot put (with help from performance-enhancing Eagle Eye vision surgery) but he doesn't know jack about public relations or celebrity media.

You cheated once twice (that we know of), that's given. It's fact. It was printed by The Enquirer.

Next step is to come out squarely denying or 'fess up. Full disclosure. This won't go away until TMZ and funny papers run out of angles. And by the sound of the rumors flying around — you've given them plenty of angles. If addressing the situation head on is not your style, than shut your trap and fall off the planet for a few years. 'Cause if you don't think this is going to be brought up at every golf telecast for the next year, I think you're sadly mistaken.

You can't put yourself out there to become the most recognizable face in, let's say, THE WORLD, and expect absolute privacy.

What's even worse is the nondescript, sort-of apology he issued under the title, "Tiger comments on current events." And not one mention of Obama's Afghanistan war strategy! Here are the highlights with my commentary inserted in red:

I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart. There "transgressions." Nice and tidy. Note the plural leaves plenty of ambiguity. I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves. I am not without faults and I am far short of perfect. No shit, I've seen you off the tees. I am dealing with my behavior and personal failings behind closed doors with my family. Those feelings should be shared by us alone. He's trying for a sympathy card here, but it ain't workin'. Billionaire philanderer + hot wife = No sympathy.

Although I am a well-known person and have made my career as a professional athlete, I have been dismayed to realize the full extent of what tabloid scrutiny really means. Classic. Hang the messenger. Did I mention, NO ONE FEELS BAD FOR YOU? For the last week, my family and I have been hounded to expose intimate details of our personal lives. The stories in particular that physical violence played any role in the car accident were utterly false and malicious. She beats me, but I'll look like an ass if I say that here. Elin has always done more to support our family and shown more grace than anyone could possibly expect.

This next paragraph is incredibly boring and redundant. Let me sum it up. Why can't I just live a private life in my incredibly exclusive gated neighborhood in my multi-million dollar mansion? But no matter how intense curiosity about public figures can be, there is an important and deep principle at stake which is the right to some simple, human measure of privacy. I realize there are some who don't share my view on that. But for me, the virtue of privacy is one that must be protected in matters that are intimate and within one's own family. Personal sins should not require press releases and problems within a family shouldn't have to mean public confessions.

Whatever regrets I have about letting my family down have been shared with and felt by us alone. He's right about that. I could care less. I have given this a lot of reflection and thought and I believe that there is a point at which I must stick to that principle even though it's difficult.

I will strive to be a better person and the husband and father that my family deserves. For all of those who have supported me over the years, I offer my profound apology. Blah, blah, snore.

He would have been better off not saying a thing.

Mad Lib Email Jokes

[caption id="attachment_108" align="alignleft" width="199" caption="The always inquisitive, governor-quitter Sarah Palin"][/caption]

A relative of mine forwarded me an e-mail with a joke about Obama. Boring. The prose was weak. The punch line was lacking. So I took some comedic liberties with the joke -- basically making it hilarious -- with only a few small revisions. The replacement words are in red.

Enjoy!

With children talking about Sarah Palin's new book Going Rogue, a teacher asked her sixth grade class how many of them were Palin fans.

Not really knowing what a Palin fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except  for Little BJ.

The teacher asked Little BJ why he has decided to be different. Little BJ said, "Because I'm not a Palin fan."

The teacher asked, "Why aren't you a Palin fan?"

BJ said, "Because I'm a Democrat."

The teacher asked him why he's a Democrat.

Little BJ answered, "Well, my mom's a Democrat and my dad's a Democrat, so I'm a Democrat."

Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, "If your mom was a MORON and your dad was an IDIOT, what would that make you?"

With a big smile, Little BJ replied, "That would make me a Palin fan."

***

Pretty great, right?

Save this Poll for Dancing

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="321" caption="Some polls should be left for dancing, even if it's spelled wrong."][/caption]

I have a love-hate relationship with polls. I love them because they're so official. A bunch of red-blooded Americans, such as myself, voted on a topic and here are the results. This IS how the country feels.

But recently, USA Today/Gallup released a poll results on the $787 billion stimulus that didn't sit right:

"Just 38% of 1,010 respondents in a new USA TODAY/Gallup poll believe the $787 billion in stimulus spending will "make the economy better" in the long term.

Another 38% expect the plan to leave the economy in worse shape, while 22% believe it will have no effect." Courtesy of the LA Times.

Wing nut villagers brought out pitchforks. It was ugly. I really hate this type of poll. Before I explain, read the nation's largest daily newspaper's take on their survey. USA Today picture is even more grim: (Must. Sensationalize. Everything.)

A USA TODAY/Gallup Poll found 57% of adults say the stimulus package is having no impact on the economy or making it worse. Even more —60% — doubt that the stimulus plan will help the economy in the years ahead, and only 18% say it has done anything to help improve their personal situation.

Sounds doomy. And gloomy.

Here's my problem with this poll. Asking Americans about the stimulus package is the same as asking them about the economy. They are inextricably linked together in the collective psyche of Joe Sixpack, also me.

The problem with asking the public about the effectiveness of the stimulus, a la the economy, is that the economy still sucks right now. Still bleeding jobs, no hiring, etc. Who's going to say everything is working great when things are only status quo — no major improvements, no gold toilets?

Wing nuts are using this as an attack point, but in reality, it doesn't tell the whole story. The stimulus averted us from disaster. But just avoiding complete financial ruin, apparently, isn't good enough. Thankfully, no one knows how bad it would have gotten and no one has to make that comparison. But here we are.

Gripe no. 2: Why would you bother asking the general public (about 1,000 people) about the economy? U.S. economics is complex. It's an international machine with hundreds of thousands of intricate facets and irregularities.

John Q. Public has problems changing the time on his car stereo, let alone deciphering meaning from a three-quarter trillion dollar infusion of capital to stave off the collapse of a delicate financial system. Asking if it worked or not is an oversimplification.

So here we are: Did the stimulus work? Who should we ask for an intelligent answer. Why NOT poll 1,000 economists?

Well, who the hell has time to report facts? Almost no one. Because, honestly, the facts aren't that interesting.

What paper would dare, risking readers, in this terrible economic climate, to write a boring story? God bless the uninteresting U.S. News & World Report for getting the story right:

Mixed, Incomplete Economic Results So Far on Obama’s Stimulus

There are signs of hope, but there’s a way to go

Huh? Oh, sorry. Fell asleep. But that headline and subhead nail it. Whole story done. Essentially, we'll let you know when we KNOW more.

Instead we get polls. Public opinion polls that tell us nothing other than the feeling de jour. Newspapers should use caution when regurgitating survey results, especially when an expert opinion might be more informative for readers.